Should, But, Try, Have To

You all know about my pages.  As I recount my daily life, readings, listens, experiences and emotions, I find myself using the words, should, try, but and have to.  I never use the word should in my professional writing because it sounds judgy and that is not appreciated by readers no matter how truthful or accurate it is.  

I seem to have no problem applying it to myself though. When I notice this and reflect on it, I see that what I am really saying is “I don’t’ want to, but…” it is expected of me, by who? Others? Me?  I also notice the word but in the above sentence.  But is another word I seem to use a lot in my personal writing. But attempts to negate or excuse what was stated before it.  I want to do X BUT I need to do Y instead or if speaking it is used to basically disagree with another and it communicates exactly that.  “I hear you, but...”  Clearer and less disagreeable to others and self would be AND.  Usually, it is an and.  You can hold two things or more to be true and they can even be contradictory.  An and is far easier to hear than a but.  Another word I have been reflecting on in my daily writing is try.

When I say I am going to try to do something I have already opened the door to not doing whatever it is and being okay with that.  As a runner I have had some success but was never a star.  Saying I was going to try my hardest always left room for a performance that wasn’t a win, rather than stating I was going to “do” my best.  This is a subtle but important difference in mindset.  Yes, trying is important and often rewarded with at least approval.  Wouldn’t it be better though to just state I “am” going to do it?  The intention behind this statement is I will do my best to get whatever it is done.  Not that I will try to.  As someone who often reminds herself of the four agreements, it aligns with number four: Do your best.  Defined as your best given everything that is happening in your world at that moment in time.

Lastly, I occasionally catch myself writing or thinking the I have to do something.  Like I have to go to bed early because I want to be rested for tomorrow’s activities (really running).  This word puts me in the enforcer role to myself when, in fact, I get to choose to go to bed early or not.  Although there may be many things we think are “have to’s” in this life, once we are born there is only one.

Affirmation:

The Four Agreements

à      I keep my words impeccable

à      I take nothing personally

à      I make no assumptions

à      I do my best