Expectation versus Hope
I have journaled about expectation versus hope before, but I am in a city far from my old journals and can’t access my previous thoughts today and today is Thursday, the day of the week I have committed to posting my weekly thoughts. The last book I read (Unreasonable Hospitality) and the book I am currently reading (Master of Change) and my tarot card for the month (IV of Swords) have all been speaking to me about expectations (lower them) and hope (wise hope) and choosing inner peace by letting go of rigid expectations; how these concepts, experienced as emotions impact my level of suffering and therefore my happiness.
Consider this, happiness = reality minus expectations. If we have unrealistic expectations that are not met, then we are less happy. If we have expectations more in line with reality or even low expectations, we are happier when our expectations are met or exceeded. Our happiness essentially represents the accuracy of our brain’s predictions or whether our expectations are met, not met or exceeded (Brad Stuhlberg, 2025).
Tragic optimism is the ability to find meaning in life despite its inescapable pain, loss and suffering (Victor Frankl). Tragic optimism expects change and even tragedy (certainly death is the ultimate tragedy that I can’t escape). In a non-dualistic way, fostering optimism despite the reality of tragedy equals happiness in my life. Even when a tragedy or loss occurs you can still hold room for gratitude and love.
Wise action in relation to wise hope says that if pain, loss and suffering are avoidable, act to avoid them. If not, accept them, give up a fixed attachment to a specific outcome and choose your attitude. You always have that choice. Wise hope is the acceptance of the situation while still having a hopeful attitude and taking wise action over what I can control and do the best I can. Any version of the serenity prayer encapsulates this perfectly. I seek peace to accept things outside of my control, the courage to alter the things I can influence and the insight to tell them apart.
Therefore, I aspire to make decisions based on hope rather than fear.
Wise hope helps get us through uncertainty, to trust that the seeds we plant today will be harvested sometime in the future. Wise action is patience and steady progress, right foot, left foot, like an ultramarathon in which we do not know where the finish line is or what obstacles we will encounter along the way, as if the journey is the point.