Reflection and Action
My morning reading and writing (pages) are part of my daily renewal. “(with) a profound tonic, with sanctuary and rest, we can prepare to go forth again.” This quote is from 365 Tao: Daily Meditations, a book I found in a little free library that I have been reading daily. Reading sometimes informs my daily reflection, and writing helps me clarify it. On the first day of the month I also reflect on the previous month using a +/-/next approach suggested in Tiny Experiments. Noting in my +/-/next chart positive things and not so positive things that I did or that happened in the past month are reflected in the first two columns. The third column is for what I intend to do next, considering my reflecting on the first two columns. In the previous month a negative column item was that one of my dear friends called me out in front of another dear friend as being aggressive with my word policing and my tone when we were discussing one of my trigger topics. It really hit hard. It has been pointed out to me multiple times by reviewers and editors of my professional writing, even been the reason for a manuscript being rejected. I have been indignant. I would make the excuse that I am an expert and just passionate about the topic and how using the correct words is so important in clear communication. I would ultimately soften my words/tone but often relied on an personal editor or co-author to do this for me instead of doing myself. In the Book of Awakenings (another book of daily meditations) I was encouraged to think of one aspect of my way of living in the world that has outlived its usefulness and to consider why I am still wearing it. Maybe it is my tone. What could I do next if I didn’t want to be called out again or hurt someone’s feelings? Brene Brown in Dare to Lead advises that in difficult conversations clear is kind. I can be clear AND kind by stating what I heard without judgment and state how the words or terms can affect our work or profession and offer the person an alternative. Ideally, I can find a time to do this in private not public.
Because this will be a significant transformation for me, I decided a ritual was in order, a way of marking my intention for change. I wrote down what I wanted to let go of (critical correction of others’ words) on a piece of paper, folded it away from me, and took it outside. I dug a small hole in the edge of my backyard, placed the paper into the hole and covered it over with dirt and mulch. I paused a moment to repeat my intention for the future: I communicate clearly but kindly on my trigger topics. I walked away and didn’t look back.
Wish me luck.
