Falling

I have been re-reading my old journals.  I was reading from about a year ago and reminded that I had two hard falls while trial running that bruised ribs, skinned knees and elbows and caused nose or mouth bleeding (but thankfully no teeth were sacrificed and no bones broken).  I wrote after the second fall, when not yet healed from the previous one, of my frustrations with my body.  I admitted that there may be many contributing factors, age for sure, lack of sleep, not taking time to do strength or agility training, running with a large dog on a leash, a replaced knee that doesn’t flex as well anymore and of course not watching the trail closely. 

Just like a fall on the trail, a fall in life can happen as unexpectedly.  You can be going along thinking things are fairly stable, the trail is smoothing out and maybe you can relax a little and look up at the scenery and BOOM, that tiny root or rock jumps up to get catch your toe and you find yourself flat on your face again, frustrated and angry, cursing yourself for not paying attention as you check your body parts for damage.  But unlike a fall on the trail which can sometimes be prevented by slowing down or paying closer attention, a fall in life can be completely out of your control especially when it involves those you love.  You may beat yourself up thinking you could have done something to prevent it, and your reaction (mine anyway) is to question whether there was something I could have differently.   

I am learning slowly though that I can’t change the past and I can’t fix everything for myself or others, no matter how much I want to.  Like my falls on the trail, where only I can pick myself up, I can’t pick up and carry others’ burdens, I can encourage, provide supports and love, but in the end the response to my falls (and I still haven’t started agility or strength training) belongs to me and they to theirs. 

Becoming aware of this and my choices in response to my and others falls and accepting and respecting my and others’ choices is new and hard work for me.  To trust that the universe or some source wants the greatest good for me and my loved ones takes courage.  But, how else can I proceed? Perhaps with hope.  Hope is not expectation. Expectation can lead to disappointment.  Hope is the light of the moon, even in the dark, there is light to take a step forward. 

Love, acceptance, hope and trust - may I live into these today.