Belated thoughts on motherhood for a new friend

Right after my father’s death, the husband of a new friend reached out with a request for my (and others) thoughts on motherhood which he planned to compile as a small dose of wisdom for his wife and of course the mother of his children for Mother’s Day.  I never got around to sending them to him with all the aftermath of a death that week but that didn’t mean I didn’t think about it (on a run of course) and write them down in my journal.  I reread them again this week as I left my mother on her own for the first time in 72 years (how long she was married to my father).

It comes down to not just love, which is almost a given but to courage and presence.  Courage to face the uncertainty of life for your child at all ages.  Because the older they get the less control (or perception of control) you will have.  Courage to face their inevitable hurts and disappointments and even worse.  Courage to let them be who they are and love them anyway and not withdraw or demand or be angry or hurt (for very long). To be present, to witness to be ever ready to provide support in any way you can when they are ready to accept it.  The wait may be long.  And, be present for the joys, the successes and achievements, know that they are all, the hurts and the joys to be shared.  Accept both the burdens and the wings.  As a mother you are built to carry them and fly anyway.

Thank you to every who provides mothering to someone or something.